FREEHOLD, N.J. — He stands convicted of hiring his wife's killer, but Rabbi Fred Neulander insisted Friday that he loves and misses Carol Neulander and meant it when he told her often that he wanted to "grow old" with her.

Neulander, 61, took the witness stand to plead for his life. He promised jurors if they do not impose a death sentence, he will spend the remaining "days of the years of my life" counseling fellow inmates and teaching illiterates how to read.

Several jurors appeared uncomfortable and sat with their arms folded as Neulander expressed his love and admiration for his wife, whom jurors already concluded was brutally beaten with a lead pipe by two men who shared $18,000 provided by the rabbi.

Rabbi Fred Neulander and his wife, Carol, in happier times.

"I am here to offer a plea for my life," Neulander said, looking directly at the jury as he began a rambling 23-minute speech that evoked sacred scriptures.

"First and foremost, I loved my wife Carol," Neulander said. "She was a remarkable woman. She was bright ... Carol Neulander had class."

Jurors scanned the gallery when Fred Neulander mentioned his three adult children, but they were not in the courtroom. Carol Neulander's two brothers, sister and other relatives wore expressions that broadcast their skepticism about the rabbi's sincerity.

"And I missed her. And I loved her. And I love her," Neulander continued.

Under the rules of a defendant's allocution, Neulander was not permitted to deny his guilt or talk about the evidence that could make him the fifteenth resident of New Jersey's death row. Judge Linda Baxter told Neulander Thursday that he had to confine his remarks to reasons his life might be worth sparing.

"Starting today, there is another sense of the days of the years of my life that will unfold," Neulander said, employing a theme he would repeat a dozen times or so. "I do not know where I will be, quite obviously. But where ever I will be there will be men who cannot read. The legacy of illiteracy is striking, and very sad, and very lyrical. I would hope that where ever I am, I will be able to teach young men to read."

Neulander choked up and stopped several times to regain control of his emotions, though he did not break down.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "if you give me this privilege to redeem, to atone, what will happen is that the days of the years of your life will indeed be made more rich because you have given me the privilege, in the days of the years of my life, to reach out and change for the better the days of the years of the lives of so many men I have yet to meet. Thank you, ladies. Thank you, gentlemen."

Defense lawyer Michael Riley, speaking to each of the jurors as if they were the only person sitting in the box, reminded them that it takes just one to spare Neulander's life. "You have a decision to make that you have to live with for the rest of your life," he told them. "The decision you set is irretrievable. You have to be able to live with that decision.

Getting in the last word, prosecutor James Lynch stopped short of asking jurors to hand down a death sentence. He merely reminded the panel of their responsibility, the intent of the legislature when reinstating the death penalty in 1982, and he again asked them to let their conscience, individually and collectively, guide them. "This is serious, serious business," Lynch said. " The defendant procured the murder of Carol Neulander by payment of money."

Jurors are expected to begin deliberating Neulander's fate Friday afternoon after receiving instructions from the judge on what they may consider.

If jurors fail to agree unanimously that Neulander deserves to die for hiring his wife's killers, he faces up to life in prison. In addition to first-degree murder, he was convicted of felony murder and second-degree conspiracy.

Carol Neulander's killers, Len Jenoff and Paul Daniels, pleaded guilty to aggravated manslaughter and are awaiting sentencing.

The penalty phase is being broadcast live on Court TV.